Well, this morning I was greeted by the heartwarming news that the previous Aging Empire broke up a terror plot involving liquids. Not that that hasn’t been tried before. Now, it’s a wonderful thing (and I’m typing that phrase in an atypically sincere way) and a fabulous victory for British law enforcement.
What isn’t a victory is the hysterical overreaction both in the UK and here at home (which I desperately hope will be softened by the time of my trans-Pacific flight). Both countries have banned liquids, gels, creams, pastes, and such from carry-on luggage, but the UK has gone a giant leap farther and temporarily banned all carrying-on except for a select set of items carried in a clear plastic bag.
This is starting to sound like junior high school already, if you grew up in the right places—suburban Charleston, for instance. But the British top the school systems: you can’t even carry a book (textbook or Sudoku, equally ungood) or newspaper aboard to provide some entertainment, as you wonder how that baggage handler is enjoying his new laptop—which the airline refuses liability for, and which you were forced to check because it’s not on The List. And I hope you don’t mind the e. coli-laced “potable” water you’ll be getting when the flight attendants have handed out the last of the 3 bottles of water provided by catering.
For my selfish purposes, I can only hope that the electronics ban is not extended to the States before I get out–I don’t know how comfortable I am with checking my laptop. It got Fedexed to me from China, maybe I’ll just Fedex it back. I’m sure that the assorted lawyer- and corporate-types who would be breaking professional codes by doing that aren’t so comfortable either. The idea is not that smart either—we were making sparks long before anyone even thought about flying without flapping his wings, and planes are not exactly short of electrical equipment for budding pyros too lazy to work on their deadly flint-knapping skillz.
Most of all I pity the thankless soul meeting me coming off a sixteen hour non-stop without toothpaste and clean water (the ban will probably be in effect at least that long).
I hope some of the hysteria calms down over the next two weeks. Or at least over my lifetime–cattle class is a pain, but traveling is a joy. But if you ratchet up the pain enough (ask Ryanair for tips, they’re getting almost good enough) it just isn’t worth it anymore. Proper detection of any type of explosive in a few bottles of toiletries or drinks should not be the unsolvable problem that breaks the back of commercial air travel. We’re smarter animals than that.
Solution: put luggage through a trial by fire! If it doesn’t explode, it’s a witch—and we’re forced to dispose of it in a controlled detonation. Freedom isn’t free, people.
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